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Best Arrested Development Quotes Author: Dosis Von Lustig Author: Quotes Uncategorized ,,
best arrested development quotes

 

There are so many great Arrested Development quotes that it's hard to put a list together---there's way too many to choose from! And considering there are now four hilarious seasons of the show on Netflix, I'm sure we'll have even more as we re-watch them. But in the meantime, these are a few of our favorite Arrested Development quotes that we think deserve top billing as some of the funniest quotes ever.

After you've gone through these hilarious Arrested Development quotes, check out our lists of even more Funny Quotes!

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Great, so now we don't have a car or a jet? Why don't we just take an ad out in "I'm Poor" magazine. -Lindsay
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You must teach me, George Michael. You must teach me the ways of the secular flesh. -Ann
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This family is not about to start using. We are pushers, not takers. -Tobias
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Luz, that coat costs more than your house! Oh, that's how we joke. She doesn't even have a house. -Lucille
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[Crying] I just want my brother to envy my money, but he's got that hair. Why can't I have hair and money, and him nothing? -George Sr.
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I just want my kids back. -Tom Jane
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Illusion, Michael. A trick is something a whore does for money. -Gob
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Lindsay: Did you enjoy your meal, Mom? You drank it fast enough.
Lucille: Not as much as you enjoyed yours. You want your belt to buckle, not your chair.
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Michael was adjusting to his new position as vice president, which meant doing the work of the president, his brother Gob. -Narrator
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Portugal? Gonna live it up down ol' South America way, eh Mikey? -Gob
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George Sr.: Ban on organized sports?
Buster: You know, how you wouldn't let me sign up for anything when I was a kid.
George Sr.: Is that what you've been thinking all these years? No, no, you were, you were just a turd out there, you know? You couldn't kick, and you couldn't run, you know? You're just a, a turd.
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I mean there is so much in life that I haven't experienced, and now that I'm away from mom I feel like this is my chance to live. I want to dance. I want to make love to a woman. I want to get a checking account. I want to know what it feels like to get my face socked in! -Buster
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What's Spanish for "I know you speak English"? -Lucille to Michael, about the painter
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George Michael: I have Pop Pop in the attic.
Michael: What? The mere fact that you call "making love" Pop Pop tells me that you're not ready.
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Barry: Well, if he's got a shot with her, just give me a little tap on the fanny.
Michael: It's not going to happen.
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I hear the jury's still out on science. -Gob
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Jessie: Hi George Michael, proud of yourself?
George Michael: Yeah actually, I got a bum away from the stand without hurting his feelings. That was pretty sweet.
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I'm sorry, I'm just still on the whole "Michael being likable" thing. You know he's only had sex with like four women, right? -Gob
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But Gob mistook Michael's basic human decency for a romantic interest, and felt a competitive urge to step in. -Narrator
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Ann, you need to decide whether you want a man or a boy. I know how I'd answer. -Tobias
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Trevor: It's not your fault your parents were cousins, but here we are. I've been charged with taking care of you, and I'm bloody well going to do it.
Rita: Well, Michael will be my cousin soon enough, 'cause we're getting married!
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Let's just make Ann the backup. Okay? Very good way to think about her. As a backup. -Michael, to George Michael
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Look, you are playing adults [falls off chair]. Pick that up, please...with fully formed libidos. Not two young men playing grab-ass in the shower. -Tobias
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Michael, you can save this family. Please, do the right thing here. String this blind girl along so that Dad doesn't have to pay his debt to society. -Gob
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Annyong! -Annyong
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And although he'd only gotten to second base, he'd gone in head first, like Pete Rose. -Narrator, about George Michael
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I don't think us sleeping together is working out. You're a grown man; you should be living with your mother. -Michael, to Buster
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I'm going to see if I can get a wrench to strip my nuts. [everyone looks at her] I was trying to be sexy, it just got away from me. -Lindsay
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Well if you wanna play Eve you gotta get in line, behind what, about five homos? That was wrong. -Barry
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There are dozens of us. Dozens! -Tobias, about never nudes
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Michael: Could it be love?
Gob: I know what an erection feels like, Michael! No, it's the opposite. It's like my heart is getting hard.
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Oh now you love the ten commandments. Yet, you're the one who so conveniently forgot "Thou shalt protect thy father and honor no one above him unless it be-ith me, thy sweet Lord." -Gob, to Michael
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Oscar: The question is, which way do I try to get it in her?
Michael: I don't need any details.
Oscar: Maybe, I'll put it in her brownie.
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I'm going crazy with the boredom, Michael. At least in prison, we had knife fights and we had movie night. And once, both. Those men did not enjoy "Soapdish." I think you have to know that world. -George Sr.
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Gene Parmesan, how you doing? -Gene Parmesan
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Actually Lindsay was so upset at Michael that she tried meditation to calm herself, but ended up taking a two-hour angry nap. -Narrator
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George Sr. [to Michael]: All right, now look, just because a woman gets pregnant doesn't mean you have to marry her. Too many lives have been ruined because some cheap waitress at a HoJo said she used an I.U.D.
Lucille: It was Stuckey's.
George Sr.: But I believed you!
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Oh, that is just great. And now I'm expected to climb back on top of Kitty and do my thing again. I mean, this family runs into problems and it's, "Oh, let's have Gob [bleep] our way out of it." -Gob
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Your father with his disgusting tweaking. I couldn't breast feed any of you kids because of that man! -Lucille
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Hey, why don't you pop a tent in front with your cousin Maeby? -Michael, to George Michael
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Michael, it was shoplifting, and I'm white. I think I'm going to be okay. -Lindsay
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Why should you go to jail for a crime someone else noticed? You don't need double talk, you need Bob Loblaw. -Bob Loblaw
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Gob: And guess what else? Dad kissed me!
Michael: How? He looked pretty unconscious in that picture.
Gob: I didn't say he was totally into it!
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Maeby: Do you guys know where I could get one of those gold necklaces with the "T" on it?
Michael: That's a cross.
Maeby: Across from where?
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Stan Sitwell: The only thing I ask is out of the 450 homes we build, one be given to a disadvantaged family from the inner city.
Gob: That's great, so the other 449 families live in fear? Is that what we're saying? Come on!
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Buster so excelled at being neither seen nor heard that he remained at the school undetected for a full two semesters after he was supposed to graduate. -Narrator
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Moms are such a pain in the ass, huh? It's like "die already!" -Gob
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Now there's been a break-in [holding her rape horn in one hand and a fireplace poker in the other]. But I have a surprise for whoever it is if he comes back. First I blow him, then I poke him. -Lucille
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Marry me! -Maeby
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Michael: We've got a picture of you with Saddam Hussein.
George Sr.: I thought that was the guy who played the Soup Nazi. I told him how much I liked his work!
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I'll be your wingman. Even if it means me taking a chubby, I will suck it up. -Tobias, to Buster
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[To Carl Weathers, referring to Tobias] If that man's straight, then I am sober. -Dave Attell
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Tobias: What are you doing up here?
George Sr.: I'm having a [bleep]ing tea party, what does it look like I'm doing? [shoves Tobias against the wall and covers his mouth with his hand] I'm living up here and if you tell anyone about this, I will [bleep]ing kill you. Ah, stop licking my hand, you horse's ass.
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Everyone's laughing and riding and cornholing except Buster. -Lucille
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Michael: I think George Michael is hiding Ann in the attic.
Lindsay: From who? The Nazis?
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I'm afraid I prematurely shot my wad on what was supposed to be a dry run, if you will. So now I'm afraid I have something of a mess on my hands. -Tobias
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Maybe it was the 11 months he spent in the womb. The doctor said there were claw marks on the walls of her uterus but, he was our miracle baby. I was just too burnt out on raising you guys to care so, he turned out a little soft, you know, a little doughy. I don't know, maybe it was my fault, maybe I ignored the guy. -George Sr.
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No, mother! I can blow myself and you have interfered for the last time! -Buster
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Tobias: Oh come on, don't leave your Uncle Tea Bag hangin'.
George Michael: Please don't call yourself that.
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We're all just going to have a more normal arrangement. I'm going to sleep with my daughter, and you're going to sleep with my husband. -Lindsay, to George Michael
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Suddenly he's too much of a big shot to brush Mother's hair. -Lucille, about Buster
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Hey brother. -Buster
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Well then Frank, I shall be a bigger, hairier mole than the one on your inner left thigh. -Tobias
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Lindsay: I have the afternoon free.
Lucille: Really? Did "nothing" cancel?
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Yes, he's lost his left hand, so he's going to be "all right." -Doctor
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Gob: Franklin said some things Whitey wasn't ready to hear.
Michael: Gob, weren't you also mercilessly beaten outside of a club in Torrance for that act?
Gob: He also said some things that African-American-y wasn't ready to hear either.
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You stay on top of her, buddy. Do not be afraid to ride her...hard. -Michael, to George Michael, about Maeby
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First of all, we're doing this for her. Okay? Because neither one of us wants to get divorced. And secondably, I know you're the big marriage expert. Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot. Your wife is dead. -Tobias, to Michael
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Lucille: Get me a vodka rocks.
Michael: Mom, it's breakfast.
Lucille: And a piece of toast.
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Michael: I can't stand to hear one more lie out of this family.
Tobias [entering, to Lindsay]: Ah, there's the woman I'm sexually attracted to.
Michael: Okay, but that's the last one.
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Tobias: As you may or may not know, Lindsay and I have hit a bit of a rough patch.
Michael: Really? When did that start?
Tobias: Well, I don't want to blame it all on 9/11, but it certainly didn't help.
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Oh, mom. After all these years, God's not gonna take a call from you. -Michael
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Tobias: Well, Michael, you really are quite the cupid, aren't you? I tell you, you can zing your arrow into my buttocks anytime.
Michael: Okay. You know what you do? Buy yourself a tape recorder. Record yourself for a whole day. I think you're gonna be surprised at some of your phrasing.
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I mean, it's one banana, Michael. What could it cost? 10 dollars? - Lucille
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Well I will tell you this, Michael. I don't have a son (Narrator: He does), but if I ever do, I'm either gonna take him to the cabin in the woods, or I'm gonna promise to take him and then not take him. But the one thing that I will never do, is not tell him that I'm taking him to a cabin in the woods and then not take him! -Gob
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I’ll never understand that you can never be nude? I understand more than you'll...never know. -Tobias, to George Michael
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George Michael: Uncle Gob, hey um, was Aunt Lindsay ever pregnant?
Gob: Oh yeah, dozens of times.
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Mrs. Featherbottom: Who'd like a banger in the mouth? Oh, right, I forgot. Here in the states you call it a sausage in the mouth.
Michael: We just call it a sausage.
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Lucille: Stop playing with mother's rape horn. Yes, I have a rape horn, Michael, because you took away my mace.
Buster: Yeah, like anyone would want to "R" her.
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Okay Lindsay, are you forgetting that I was a professional twice over? An analyst and a therapist. The world's first analrapist. -Tobias
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Michael [to Gob]: Get rid of the Seaward.
Lucille: I'll leave when I'm good and ready.
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[Quote]
I'm afraid I just blue myself. -Tobias
[/Quote]

Best Arrested Development Quotes

best arrested development quotes   There are so many great Arrested Development quotes that it's hard to put a list together---there's way too many to choose from! And considering there are now four hilarious seasons of the show on Netflix, I'm sure we'll have even more as we re-watch them. But in the meantime, these are a few of our favorite Arrested Development quotes that we think deserve top billing as some of the funniest quotes ever. After you've gone through these hilarious Arrested Development quotes, check out our lists of even more Funny Quotes!
You must teach me, George Michael. You must teach me the ways of the secular flesh. -Ann
2/82

Great, so now we don't have a car or a jet? Why don't we just take an ad out in "I'm Poor" magazine. -Lindsay

You must teach me, George Michael. You must teach me the ways of the secular flesh. -Ann

This family is not about to start using. We are pushers, not takers. -Tobias

Luz, that coat costs more than your house! Oh, that's how we joke. She doesn't even have a house. -Lucille

[Crying] I just want my brother to envy my money, but he's got that hair. Why can't I have hair and money, and him nothing? -George Sr.

I just want my kids back. -Tom Jane

Illusion, Michael. A trick is something a whore does for money. -Gob

Lindsay: Did you enjoy your meal, Mom? You drank it fast enough. Lucille: Not as much as you enjoyed yours. You want your belt to buckle, not your chair.

Michael was adjusting to his new position as vice president, which meant doing the work of the president, his brother Gob. -Narrator

Portugal? Gonna live it up down ol' South America way, eh Mikey? -Gob

George Sr.: Ban on organized sports? Buster: You know, how you wouldn't let me sign up for anything when I was a kid. George Sr.: Is that what you've been thinking all these years? No, no, you were, you were just a turd out there, you know? You couldn't kick, and you couldn't run, you know? You're just a, a turd.

I mean there is so much in life that I haven't experienced, and now that I'm away from mom I feel like this is my chance to live. I want to dance. I want to make love to a woman. I want to get a checking account. I want to know what it feels like to get my face socked in! -Buster

What's Spanish for "I know you speak English"? -Lucille to Michael, about the painter

George Michael: I have Pop Pop in the attic. Michael: What? The mere fact that you call "making love" Pop Pop tells me that you're not ready.

Barry: Well, if he's got a shot with her, just give me a little tap on the fanny. Michael: It's not going to happen.

I hear the jury's still out on science. -Gob

Jessie: Hi George Michael, proud of yourself? George Michael: Yeah actually, I got a bum away from the stand without hurting his feelings. That was pretty sweet.

I'm sorry, I'm just still on the whole "Michael being likable" thing. You know he's only had sex with like four women, right? -Gob

But Gob mistook Michael's basic human decency for a romantic interest, and felt a competitive urge to step in. -Narrator

Ann, you need to decide whether you want a man or a boy. I know how I'd answer. -Tobias

Trevor: It's not your fault your parents were cousins, but here we are. I've been charged with taking care of you, and I'm bloody well going to do it. Rita: Well, Michael will be my cousin soon enough, 'cause we're getting married!

Let's just make Ann the backup. Okay? Very good way to think about her. As a backup. -Michael, to George Michael

Look, you are playing adults [falls off chair]. Pick that up, please...with fully formed libidos. Not two young men playing grab-ass in the shower. -Tobias

Michael, you can save this family. Please, do the right thing here. String this blind girl along so that Dad doesn't have to pay his debt to society. -Gob

Annyong! -Annyong

And although he'd only gotten to second base, he'd gone in head first, like Pete Rose. -Narrator, about George Michael

I don't think us sleeping together is working out. You're a grown man; you should be living with your mother. -Michael, to Buster

I'm going to see if I can get a wrench to strip my nuts. [everyone looks at her] I was trying to be sexy, it just got away from me. -Lindsay

Well if you wanna play Eve you gotta get in line, behind what, about five homos? That was wrong. -Barry

There are dozens of us. Dozens! -Tobias, about never nudes

Michael: Could it be love? Gob: I know what an erection feels like, Michael! No, it's the opposite. It's like my heart is getting hard.

Oh now you love the ten commandments. Yet, you're the one who so conveniently forgot "Thou shalt protect thy father and honor no one above him unless it be-ith me, thy sweet Lord." -Gob, to Michael

Oscar: The question is, which way do I try to get it in her? Michael: I don't need any details. Oscar: Maybe, I'll put it in her brownie.

I'm going crazy with the boredom, Michael. At least in prison, we had knife fights and we had movie night. And once, both. Those men did not enjoy "Soapdish." I think you have to know that world. -George Sr.

Gene Parmesan, how you doing? -Gene Parmesan

Actually Lindsay was so upset at Michael that she tried meditation to calm herself, but ended up taking a two-hour angry nap. -Narrator

George Sr. [to Michael]: All right, now look, just because a woman gets pregnant doesn't mean you have to marry her. Too many lives have been ruined because some cheap waitress at a HoJo said she used an I.U.D. Lucille: It was Stuckey's. George Sr.: But I believed you!

Oh, that is just great. And now I'm expected to climb back on top of Kitty and do my thing again. I mean, this family runs into problems and it's, "Oh, let's have Gob [bleep] our way out of it." -Gob

Your father with his disgusting tweaking. I couldn't breast feed any of you kids because of that man! -Lucille

Hey, why don't you pop a tent in front with your cousin Maeby? -Michael, to George Michael

Michael, it was shoplifting, and I'm white. I think I'm going to be okay. -Lindsay

Why should you go to jail for a crime someone else noticed? You don't need double talk, you need Bob Loblaw. -Bob Loblaw

Gob: And guess what else? Dad kissed me! Michael: How? He looked pretty unconscious in that picture. Gob: I didn't say he was totally into it!

Maeby: Do you guys know where I could get one of those gold necklaces with the "T" on it? Michael: That's a cross. Maeby: Across from where?

Stan Sitwell: The only thing I ask is out of the 450 homes we build, one be given to a disadvantaged family from the inner city. Gob: That's great, so the other 449 families live in fear? Is that what we're saying? Come on!

Buster so excelled at being neither seen nor heard that he remained at the school undetected for a full two semesters after he was supposed to graduate. -Narrator

Moms are such a pain in the ass, huh? It's like "die already!" -Gob

Now there's been a break-in [holding her rape horn in one hand and a fireplace poker in the other]. But I have a surprise for whoever it is if he comes back. First I blow him, then I poke him. -Lucille

Marry me! -Maeby

Michael: We've got a picture of you with Saddam Hussein. George Sr.: I thought that was the guy who played the Soup Nazi. I told him how much I liked his work!

I'll be your wingman. Even if it means me taking a chubby, I will suck it up. -Tobias, to Buster

[To Carl Weathers, referring to Tobias] If that man's straight, then I am sober. -Dave Attell

Tobias: What are you doing up here? George Sr.: I'm having a [bleep]ing tea party, what does it look like I'm doing? [shoves Tobias against the wall and covers his mouth with his hand] I'm living up here and if you tell anyone about this, I will [bleep]ing kill you. Ah, stop licking my hand, you horse's ass.

Everyone's laughing and riding and cornholing except Buster. -Lucille

Michael: I think George Michael is hiding Ann in the attic. Lindsay: From who? The Nazis?

I'm afraid I prematurely shot my wad on what was supposed to be a dry run, if you will. So now I'm afraid I have something of a mess on my hands. -Tobias

Maybe it was the 11 months he spent in the womb. The doctor said there were claw marks on the walls of her uterus but, he was our miracle baby. I was just too burnt out on raising you guys to care so, he turned out a little soft, you know, a little doughy. I don't know, maybe it was my fault, maybe I ignored the guy. -George Sr.

No, mother! I can blow myself and you have interfered for the last time! -Buster

Tobias: Oh come on, don't leave your Uncle Tea Bag hangin'. George Michael: Please don't call yourself that.

We're all just going to have a more normal arrangement. I'm going to sleep with my daughter, and you're going to sleep with my husband. -Lindsay, to George Michael

Suddenly he's too much of a big shot to brush Mother's hair. -Lucille, about Buster

Hey brother. -Buster

Well then Frank, I shall be a bigger, hairier mole than the one on your inner left thigh. -Tobias

Lindsay: I have the afternoon free. Lucille: Really? Did "nothing" cancel?

Yes, he's lost his left hand, so he's going to be "all right." -Doctor

Gob: Franklin said some things Whitey wasn't ready to hear. Michael: Gob, weren't you also mercilessly beaten outside of a club in Torrance for that act? Gob: He also said some things that African-American-y wasn't ready to hear either.

You stay on top of her, buddy. Do not be afraid to ride her...hard. -Michael, to George Michael, about Maeby

First of all, we're doing this for her. Okay? Because neither one of us wants to get divorced. And secondably, I know you're the big marriage expert. Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot. Your wife is dead. -Tobias, to Michael

Lucille: Get me a vodka rocks. Michael: Mom, it's breakfast. Lucille: And a piece of toast.

Michael: I can't stand to hear one more lie out of this family. Tobias [entering, to Lindsay]: Ah, there's the woman I'm sexually attracted to. Michael: Okay, but that's the last one.

Tobias: As you may or may not know, Lindsay and I have hit a bit of a rough patch. Michael: Really? When did that start? Tobias: Well, I don't want to blame it all on 9/11, but it certainly didn't help.

Oh, mom. After all these years, God's not gonna take a call from you. -Michael

Tobias: Well, Michael, you really are quite the cupid, aren't you? I tell you, you can zing your arrow into my buttocks anytime. Michael: Okay. You know what you do? Buy yourself a tape recorder. Record yourself for a whole day. I think you're gonna be surprised at some of your phrasing.

I mean, it's one banana, Michael. What could it cost? 10 dollars? - Lucille

Well I will tell you this, Michael. I don't have a son (Narrator: He does), but if I ever do, I'm either gonna take him to the cabin in the woods, or I'm gonna promise to take him and then not take him. But the one thing that I will never do, is not tell him that I'm taking him to a cabin in the woods and then not take him! -Gob

I’ll never understand that you can never be nude? I understand more than you'll...never know. -Tobias, to George Michael

George Michael: Uncle Gob, hey um, was Aunt Lindsay ever pregnant? Gob: Oh yeah, dozens of times.

Mrs. Featherbottom: Who'd like a banger in the mouth? Oh, right, I forgot. Here in the states you call it a sausage in the mouth. Michael: We just call it a sausage.

Lucille: Stop playing with mother's rape horn. Yes, I have a rape horn, Michael, because you took away my mace. Buster: Yeah, like anyone would want to "R" her.

Okay Lindsay, are you forgetting that I was a professional twice over? An analyst and a therapist. The world's first analrapist. -Tobias

Michael [to Gob]: Get rid of the Seaward. Lucille: I'll leave when I'm good and ready.

I'm afraid I just blue myself. -Tobias

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