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Hilarious Facebook Status Updates: Part 1 Author: Dosis Von Lustig Author: Quotes Uncategorized
funny-facebook-status

 

We've seen quite a few funny facebook status updates in our day, and it feels like the more friends we get the more we find. What is it about facebook that makes people say the stupidest or smartest things? We've written our share of clunkers, but we WISH we wrote these super funny facebook status updates instead. We'll keep posting more funny facebook status updates as we find them, but in the meantime enjoy these zingers!

 

[Quote]
This hangover feels like Quentin Tarantino directed it.
[/Quote]
[Quote]
I finally found a diet plan that works. It’s called “The cost of food”.
[/Quote]
[Quote]
I wish mirrors and pictures would get together already and agree on what I really look like.
[/Quote]
[Quote]
If you can’t say anything nice, we should probably be friends.
[/Quote]
[Quote]
Behind every good selfie is approximately 47 nearly identical pictures that didn't make the cut.
[/Quote]
[Quote]
Baby on board* Oh really? Thanks for letting me know, I was about to ram into your car, but now I won’t.
[/Quote]
[Quote]
Password so strong it can say goodbye and never look back
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[Quote]
If I stop my car so you can walk across the street, I better see some hustle out of you! Knees to chest bitch, KNEES TO CHEST!
[/Quote]
[Quote]
It’s amazing how little information I need on someone before I decide I don’t like them.
[/Quote]
[Quote]
Don't get TOO down on dudes for sending dick pics. There was a rumor it worked once and, as a group, we have zero other good ideas.
[/Quote]
[Quote]
I give movies with 2 stars a 5 on Netflix because if I sat through this piece of shit, I want you to as well.
[/Quote]
[Quote]
Dear paranoid people who check behind shower curtains for murderers, if you do find one what’ s the plan?
[/Quote]
[Quote]
Imagine 50 years from now when Young Money Cash Money has regressed to Old Money Do You Take Checks Sonny
[/Quote]
[Quote]
I would tell you to go to hell, but I work there and I don’t want to see you everyday.
[/Quote]
[Quote]
I love nostalgia. Not sure what it means, but it reminds me of magical words from my childhood.
[/Quote]
[Quote]
is thinking: The best part about this status message is that by the time you've finished reading it you realize that there is absolutely no point to it
[/Quote]
[Quote]
if a dime is smaller than a penny therefore it should have less value like honestly WTF!
[/Quote]
[Quote]
You can kill your attraction to anyone by watching them chew
[/Quote]
[Quote]
I just wanna be rich enough to have Morgan Freeman read me bedtime stories.
[/Quote]
[Quote]
This girl next to me in class has a piece of tape over her laptop webcam. This can only mean she’s made some serious mistakes in her past…
[/Quote]
[Quote]
I’m a leader. Not a follower. Unless it’s a dark place, then f*ck that shit you’re going first.
[/Quote]
[Quote]
Hell is a never-ending Instagram account of a girl who just got a new boyfriend.
[/Quote]
[Quote]
If my ceiling fan could hold my weight, I would never be bored again.
[/Quote]
[Quote]
My boss said "Dress for the job you want, not the job you have." Now I'm sitting in a disciplinary meeting dressed as Batman.
[/Quote]

Hilarious Facebook Status Updates: Part 1

funny-facebook-status   We've seen quite a few funny facebook status updates in our day, and it feels like the more friends we get the more we find. What is it about facebook that makes people say the stupidest or smartest things? We've written our share of clunkers, but we WISH we wrote these super funny facebook status updates instead. We'll keep posting more funny facebook status updates as we find them, but in the meantime enjoy these zingers!  
This hangover feels like Quentin Tarantino directed it.
1/24

This hangover feels like Quentin Tarantino directed it.

I finally found a diet plan that works. It’s called “The cost of food”.

I wish mirrors and pictures would get together already and agree on what I really look like.

If you can’t say anything nice, we should probably be friends.

Behind every good selfie is approximately 47 nearly identical pictures that didn't make the cut.

Baby on board* Oh really? Thanks for letting me know, I was about to ram into your car, but now I won’t.

Password so strong it can say goodbye and never look back

If I stop my car so you can walk across the street, I better see some hustle out of you! Knees to chest bitch, KNEES TO CHEST!

It’s amazing how little information I need on someone before I decide I don’t like them.

Don't get TOO down on dudes for sending dick pics. There was a rumor it worked once and, as a group, we have zero other good ideas.

I give movies with 2 stars a 5 on Netflix because if I sat through this piece of shit, I want you to as well.

Dear paranoid people who check behind shower curtains for murderers, if you do find one what’ s the plan?

Imagine 50 years from now when Young Money Cash Money has regressed to Old Money Do You Take Checks Sonny

I would tell you to go to hell, but I work there and I don’t want to see you everyday.

I love nostalgia. Not sure what it means, but it reminds me of magical words from my childhood.

is thinking: The best part about this status message is that by the time you've finished reading it you realize that there is absolutely no point to it

if a dime is smaller than a penny therefore it should have less value like honestly WTF!

You can kill your attraction to anyone by watching them chew

I just wanna be rich enough to have Morgan Freeman read me bedtime stories.

This girl next to me in class has a piece of tape over her laptop webcam. This can only mean she’s made some serious mistakes in her past…

I’m a leader. Not a follower. Unless it’s a dark place, then f*ck that shit you’re going first.

Hell is a never-ending Instagram account of a girl who just got a new boyfriend.

If my ceiling fan could hold my weight, I would never be bored again.

My boss said "Dress for the job you want, not the job you have." Now I'm sitting in a disciplinary meeting dressed as Batman.

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