Funny Army Joke with Airman Jones: Airman Jones was assigned to the induction center where he was to advise new recruits about their government benefits, especially their GI insurance. It wasn’t long before Captain Smith noticed that Airman Jones had almost a 100% record for insurance sales, which had never happened before. Rather than ask about this, the Captain stood in the back of the room and listened to Jones’s sales pitch. Jones explained the basics of the GI Insurance to the new recruits, and then said:”If you have GI Insurance and go into battle and are killed, the government
Funny Men vs Women Joke: Who Talks More? A husband was trying to prove to his wife that women talk more than men. He showed her a study which indicated that men use about 10,000 words per day, whereas women use 20,000 words per day. His wife thought about this for a while. She then told her husband that women use twice as many words as men because they have to repeat everything they say. Her husband looked stunned. He said “What?” We’ve got tons more funny jokes!
Funny Boston Crow Joke: Researchers for the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority found over 200 dead crows near greater Boston recently, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu. A Bird Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone’s relief, confirmed the problem was definitely NOT Avian Flu. The cause of death appeared to be vehicular impacts. However, during the detailed analysis it was noted that varying colors of paints appeared on the bird’s beaks and claws. By analyzing these paint residues it was determined that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact
Funny Fast Food Joke: A friend and I were standing in line at a fast-food restaurant, waiting to place our order. There was a big sign posted. “No bills larger than $20 will be accepted.” The woman in front of us, pointing to the sign, remarked, “Believe me, if I HAD a bill larger than $20, I wouldn’t be eating here.” Check out more funny jokes!
The Funny Bad Luck Driver Joke: A police officer pulls over a driver and informs him that he has just won $5,000 in a safety competition, all because he is wearing his seat belt. “What are you going to do with the prize money?” the officer asks. The man responds, “I guess I’ll go to driving school and get my license.” His wife says, “Officer, don’t listen to him. He’s a smart aleck when he’s drunk.” The guy in the back seat pops up out from under the blanket and says, “I knew we wouldn’t get far in this stolen
Funny Irish Twins Joke: Two Irish gentlemen walk into a pub. They both sit down at the counter and place their orders. As they’re sipping their drinks one looks at the other and thinks that there is something familiar about him. The guy says to the other, “Hey, do I know you from somewhere?”, to which the other responds, “Well, I’m from Galway, where are you from?” The first guy brightens up and says, “You don’t say! I’m from Galway as well! What school did you go to?” The other responds, “I went to St. Paul’s Secondary.”, to which the
Funny Irish Viagra Joke: An Irish woman of old age visited her physician to ask his advice on reviving her husband’s libido. ‘What about trying Viagra?’ asked the doctor. ‘Not a chance’, she said… ‘He won’t even take an aspirin.’ ‘Not a problem,’ replied the doctor. ‘Give him an ‘Irish Viagra’… ‘What is Irish Viagra?’, she asked. ‘It’s when you drop the Viagra tablet into his coffee. He won’t even taste it. Give it a try and call me in a week to let me know how things went..’ It was a week later when she called the doctor, who
Funny Negotiating Price Joke: (Fun Fact: apparently Winston Churchill loved to tell this prostitute negotiating the price joke) A guy walks into a bar and walks up to a beautiful woman. He asks her if she would have sex with him for $10,000. She thinks about and says she would. He then asks her if she would have sex with him for $100. Disgusted, she declares, “What kind of woman do you think I am?” He replies, “we have already established that, now I’m just negotiating price.” We’ve got tons more funny jokes here!
Funny Grounds for Divorce Joke: A woman says to her lawyer “I want to divorce my husband.” “On what grounds?” “Grounds? We have two acres at the edge of town with a big lawn and some fruit trees.” “No, that’s not what I meant. Do you have a grudge?” “Yes, we have a two car garage but only one car so we use the rest for storage.” The lawyer is getting exasperated, “Does he beat you up?” “No, I’m up by 6:30 and sometimes he doesn’t get up until after I’ve left for work.” “WHY DO YOU WANT A DIVORCE?”
Funny Italian Affair Joke: For several years, a man was having an affair with an Italian woman. One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he promised that he would pay her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child. Furthermore, if she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18. She agreed, but she asked how he would know when the baby was born. To keep it discreet, he advised
Funny Substitute Teacher Joke: A substitute teacher is starting her 1st day at a new school. She is taking attendance when a boy walks in a few seconds late. He says “my name is Matt. sorry I’m late. Every morning I go down to the creek & throw pebbles in the water until school starts.” The teacher excuses him. A minute later, a second student walks in. The teacher asks, “who are you & why are you late?” The student replies “my name in Ben. I was down at the creek, tossing pebbles into the water. I didn’t notice the
Funny Joke: The Beard A married man was visiting his girlfriend when she requested that he shave his beard. “Oh James, I like your beard, but I would really love to see your handsome face.” James replied, “My wife loves this beard, I couldn’t possibly do it, she would hate me.” “Oh please?” the girlfriend asked again. “Oh really, I can’t,” he replies. “My wife loves this beard!” The girlfriend asked once more, and he sighs and finally gives in. That night James crawls into bed with his wife while she was sleeping. The wife is awakened somewhat, feels his