The Eddie Murphy Raw marriage bit may be the best bit in this entire stand up special. And that’s saying something because Raw is one of the funniest stand up specials in the history of comedy. But this scene is amazing. Eddie has decided that it’s time to get married. He found the love of his life, until he’s at the grocery store and sees a tabloid with a sad Johnny Carson and a happy ex-wife who had gotten half of his money. Half! Since Johnny Carson had $300 million he had to give $150 to his now ex-wife. Half!
UCB comedy teacher/performer and BuzzFeed writer Ari Voukydis appeared on Jeopardy the other day and gave what might be the best jeopardy answer EVER. When Ari Voukydis was in Final Jeopardy, the clue given to him and the other contestants was: “In 1891, this European said, ‘Perhaps my factories will put an end to war sooner than your congresses.’” Clearly Ari Voukydis didn’t know the correct Jeopardy answer, so instead of making a guess he knew he would be pulling out of the dark, he gave the best answer ever. Ari Voukydis wrote the following as his response: “Who is this handsome gentleman?”
Once you see these cat photobombs, you might switch from being a dog person to a cat person. This might be the best cat photobombs collection of all time. These cats are stealthy, and watching them sneak their way into baby photos, girls’ night out, and selfies is one of the best things ever. I mean, who doesn’t love a photobombing cat? I honestly think, after looking at these cat photobombs, that cats might have way more personality than dogs. I mean, some of them even act human. I wish I had a cat so I could get them to
Having a bad or inappropriate name sucks, because unless you legally changed your name at some point in your life, a bad name is never your fault. It’s your parents. And to be fair, there are a ton of family names that are considered inappropriate/slang names in this country but don’t mean the same in others. So those parents get a pass, too. But if you’re from here and you selected one of these names for your child for no reason other than the fact that you thought it sounded good…well, then you should have your parenting license revoked.
125 Short and Funny Blonde Jokes
Two idiots decide to go bear hunting and return in an hour. Friend says “why are you back ?”Hunter says” not a good day .”Friend “says how do you know?”Other hunter says” sign on the road said ‘Bear Left’ so we turned around.
Bear Left
Two idiots decide to go bear hunting and return in an hour. Friend says “why are you back ?”Hunter says” not a good day .”Friend “says how do you know?”Other hunter says” sign on the road said ‘Bear Left’ so we turned around.
Everyone knows cats are smart and nothing can stands in their way of their friends. It doesn’t take long for the cat to figure out how to outsmart their two-legged friends. The only question is how high do we need to stack the rolls of toilet paper. This should be the next Olympics event.
Nice jump
Everyone knows cats are smart and nothing can stands in their way of their friends. It doesn’t take long for the cat to figure out how to outsmart their two-legged friends. The only question is how high do we need to stack the rolls of …
We are going to need more cheese and a giant tub of olive oil, garlic, salt and pepper.
There’s a huge broccoli outside!!!
We are going to need more cheese and a giant tub of olive oil, garlic, salt and pepper.
Everyone wants to come over for a swim, but they insist on peeing in the pool. Keeping your Pool clean is no laughing matter, but your Pool Sign can be.
Funny Pool Sign: Welcome to our OOL and L
Everyone wants to come over for a swim, but they insist on peeing in the pool. Keeping your Pool clean is no laughing matter, but your Pool Sign can be.
You’d think one of them would’ve seen it
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. “Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?” The blonde said, “How about 50 dollars?” The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man’s wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, “Does she realize that the
You can paint my porch
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. “Well, …
There was a blonde who just got sick and tired of all the blonde jokes. One evening, she went home and memorized all the state capitals. Back in the office the next day, some guy started telling a dumb blonde joke. She interrupted him with a shrill announcement, “I’ve had it up to here with these blonde jokes. I want you to know that this blonde went home last night and did something probably none of you could do. I memorized all the state capitals.” One of the guys, of course, said, “I don’t believe you. What is the capital
State Capitals
There was a blonde who just got sick and tired of all the blonde jokes. One evening, she went home and memorized all the state capitals. Back in the office the next day, some guy started telling a dumb blonde joke. She interrupted him with …
A robber comes into the store & steals a TV. A blonde runs after him and says, “Wait, you forgot the remote!”
A robber and a tv
A robber comes into the store & steals a TV. A blonde runs after him and says, “Wait, you forgot the remote!”
A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team’s bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. “Oh, I really liked it,” she replied, “especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn’t understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents.” Dumbfounded, her date asked, “What do you mean?” “Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it, and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, ‘Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!’ I’m like, hello?
A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game
A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team’s bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. “Oh, I really liked it,” she replied, “especially the tight pants and all the …
a golden retriever