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Quotes

Harland Williams Best Movie Quotes Author: Dosis Von Lustig Author: Quotes

Harland Williams, Fred Randall in Rocket Man: I’m 30 years old. I’m almost a grown man. Harland Williams, Fred Randall in Rocket Man: Fun is my Chinese neighbor’s middle name! Harland Williams, Fred Randall in Rocket Man: JOHN JACOB JINGLEHEIMER SCHMIDT! His name is my name too! Harland Williams, Fred Randall in Rocket Man: It reminds me of a French Canadian tennis racket, stuck to the back of a Venus snow-goon, bubbling out of my sister’s Brazilian donkey – I don’t think I can make myself any clearer! Harland Williams, Russell

Harland Williams Best Movie Quotes

Harland Williams, State Trooper in Dumb and Dumber: You fellas been doing a bit of boozing, have you? Suckin back on grandpa’s old cough medicine?
Bobcat Goldthwait Best Quotes Author: Dosis Von Lustig Author: Quotes

Police Academy 4, Zed: People just don’t understand me. Police Academy 4, Zed: No, I mean who I am. Man, now I have to worry about my diction too? Police Academy 4, Zed: Gene, Gene made a machine, and Joe, Joe made it go. Art, Art blew a fart and blew the whole damn thing apart. Police Academy 4, Zed: It’s getting to the point now when I’m with you, I no longer want to have something stuck in my eye… Your mother, my mother ain’t never looked like Florence Henderson…

Bobcat Goldthwait Best Quotes

Police Academy 4, Zed: No, I mean who I am. Man, now I have to worry about my diction too?
31 Epically Awesome Louis CK Quotes Author: Dosis Von Lustig Author: Quotes

Louis CK quotes can be a guide to how to lead your life. Louis CK is one of the greatest comedians in the comedy game today and is making himself one of the most important comedians of all time. Between his show Louis on FX, his appearances in movies and his epic stand up archive, he has a collection of some of the best quotes since George Carlin. Sit back, relax and let the life lessons of these Louis CK quotes wash over you. I ate too much and masturbated too recently, you know? It’s bad to like jerk

31 Epically Awesome Louis CK Quotes

Kids are like buckets of disease that live in your house.
Doug Benson Funny Quotes Author: Dosis Von Lustig Author: Quotes

Marijuana and funny jokes. If you enjoy these two, then hang on because we have 18 Doug Benson Funny Quotes. I was on the toilet for so long, I finally said to myself, “I’m getting too old for this shit.” People say pot smokers are lazy. I disagree. I am a multitasking pot smoker. Just the other day I was walking down the street. Stoned. OK, I won’t count that as two things. I was walking down the street. I was putting eye drops in my eyes. I was talking on my cellphone. And I was getting hit by

Doug Benson Funny Quotes

We don't want any pot-smoking vaginas because that's disgusting. And I saw it once in Indonesia, and I've never been able to get it out of my head.
Best Adam Sandler Movie Quotes Author: Dosis Von Lustig Author: Quotes

The greatest minds at Dose of Funny have gathered and voted on the best Adam Sandler movie quotes or sayings. #17 – You Don’t Mess With The Zohan – Dalia, I don’t know how to tell you this. I cannot make sticky with anyone else. #16 – Mr. Deeds – I can’t run a company… I can’t even run my own life! #15 – Big Daddy – I had a mother lined up for him, but she’s bangin’ the Pepperidge Farm guy and the kid won’t stop peeing and throwing up, he’s like a cocker spaniel #14 – Happy Gilmore

Best Adam Sandler Movie Quotes

The greatest minds at Dose of Funny have gathered and voted on the best Adam Sandler movie quotes or sayings. #17 – You Don’t Mess With The Zohan – Dalia, I don’t know how to tell you this. I cannot make sticky with anyone else. …
The 75 Epically Amazing George Carlin Quotes Author: Dosis Von Lustig Author: Quotes

George Carlin quotes are some of the most revered, epic quotes in the history of comedy. Not only will they make you laugh, but they will make you think, and also get angry. Why do we have 75 George Carlin quotes here? I don’t know, we could have found a lot more, but we have things to do. (Actually, we don’t.) 75. If no one knows when a person is going to die, how can we say he died prematurely? 74. It is a sad thing to see an Indian wearing a cowboy hat. 73.

The 75 Epically Amazing George Carlin Quotes

34. You know what you never see? A really good-looking homeless couple.
18 Funny and Real Richard Pryor Quotes Author: Dosis Von Lustig Author: Quotes

Richard Pryor is one of the funniest comedians of all time. So we’re going to give you some of his funniest and most poignant quotes and jokes of all time. Some of these were when he was looking back on his life. Others were some from his act. This is a hodge podge of Richard Pryor quotes being honest, hilarious and sometimes both. 18. Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings… and lawyers. 17. I believe the ability to think is blessed. If you can think about a situation, you can deal with

18 Funny and Real Richard Pryor Quotes

16. It seemed fair to kill my car to me, right, ‘cause my wife was going to leave my ass. I say, “Not in this mother****er you ain’t. Uh-uh. If you leave me you be drivin’ them Hush Puppies you got on. ‘Cause I’m goin’ kill this mother****er here.”